Who am I?

This post stems from an enlightening discussion I had with a budding anthropologist. I am now smitten by anthropology, and the idea of ‘where we come from’, or ‘who we are’. We discussed matrimony, especially monogamy. These are all just theories, and discussed more from a philosophical point of view, rather than a scientific one.

One theory says that man, before discovering fire, had a nomadic lifestyle. One was always roaming in search of food. Once fire came into our lives, one could think of having a meal together. Till this point, mating was solely for the sake of reproduction. It is believed that the mother might not have known the father of the progeny. Once we had agriculture, we had a sustainable food source. This could have been the starting point of settlements, or a community. Along with the food came the land on which food grew, and with that, the question of who reaps the benefits of the land, once the owner passed away. This is where the idea of a family, and of inheritance, kicked in. Suddenly, it became important that the woman, the carrier, be assigned exclusively to a single land owner. For statistical purposes, since it is much easier to keep track of things if a woman exclusively birthed children of a single man, the idea of monogamy came into place. A simple idea, which facilitates easy and effective administration, has now (almost) become the norm. Wow.

Let us try to understand some of the ramifications of this idea. In the modern world, a lot of stress is put in romantic relationships on being exclusive, or on not cheating. It is crazy to me that maybe this is not a natural human trait, but just a consequence of the rules of society, which have now come to even dictate morality. When we say things like, ‘fe is mine’, we are essentially trying to own a person, much like we try to own land. The entire idea of owning a person now seems absurd to me. The accompanying quality, jealousy, might not be an inherent feature of a human, but something society has instilled in us.

Let us take a look at the Nayyar tradition. The family lives in the mother’s house, called the Theravada. When a girl reaches marriagable age, a suitable boy from another Theravada is chosen. When married, the bride is free to have intercourse (with consent) with any male from her husband’s Theravada. Any offspring born to her is said to be her legal husband’s child. This forms a network of Theravadas in which polygamy ensues. My mind was completely blown when I first learnt of this. I wonder what belief systems the children growing in this tradition have.

This idea opened my mind to several others. Why does my society stress so much on marriage, or on the idea that I need somebody else to complete myself? How important was society in shaping who I am? Is there anything at all that is right or wrong? Are all the morals that I grew up with just an efficient way for the current societal framework to keep an individual in check? If I grew up in a different belief system, would I be who I currently am? If Hitler would have taken over the world, would I have grown up to believe that I must work in a concentration camp? Would he have been hailed as the father of the modern civilized world?

I wonder if I would have enjoyed being a cavewoman, in a world where institutionalizing did not need to exist, because education did. It is time to broaden my mind, and expand my horizons; to question everything society has taught me, and judge others less for having a belief system different from mine. Unless you believe that the Collatz conjecture is false. That is truly unacceptable.

This entire idea of monogamy makes me think that any idea could shape the future of humanity. In a sense, this thought is very liberating. I feel free to define my own sense of right and wrong, to mold myself as I please, and to define who I am.

So, who are you?